Why Attraction Isn’t Love — And What Real Love Demands
We’ve all heard it — “It was love at first sight.” It’s a poetic, romantic notion, and Hollywood has done a great job of making us believe in it. But when we pause and examine reality, we begin to see the cracks in this idea.
What we often call “love” in the early stages of a relationship is, in fact, attraction, interest, or infatuation — not love.
The Illusion of Instant Love
Attraction is powerful. It can make our heart race and cloud our judgment. Interest gives us the energy to pursue a connection. These are important — but they’re just the beginning.
“Mistaking attraction for love is like mistaking the smell of fresh bread for being full.”
Real love is not something you fall into. It’s something you build — with time, intention, and care.
Two Ways Love Begins
There are generally two schools of thought when it comes to love’s origin:
Some believe we fall in love — a sweeping emotional moment that compels us to be with someone. Others argue we get attracted — and then build love slowly through trust, time, and shared growth.
Both views have their truths. But perhaps the better question is not how it started, but what you choose to do with it.
“How love begins may vary, but how it survives depends on what you’re willing to give.”
From Interest to Intimacy: The Role of CARE
To evolve from connection to true intimacy, love needs a foundation — one built on CARE:
C – Commitment
Love doesn’t survive without consistency and presence. Commitment is the choice to stay, to invest, and to show up — especially when it’s inconvenient.
A – Acceptance
Real love means seeing someone clearly and embracing them — flaws and all. Not trying to change them, but choosing to grow together.
R – Respect
Without mutual respect, love turns toxic. Respect honours boundaries, values the other’s perspective, and builds emotional safety.
E – Engagement
Love thrives on effort and curiosity. Engagement means being emotionally available, mentally present, and actively involved in each other’s world.
“When these four pillars are present and nurtured, love isn’t just possible — it becomes inevitable.”
Love Isn’t a Feeling. It’s a Practice.
Feelings fade. Chemistry cools. But love built on CARE becomes a way of being — an everyday choice and a shared journey.
“Love is not just what we feel. It’s what we choose to do — again and again.”
Whether you “fell” in love or grew into it, the true strength of a relationship comes down to your willingness and ability to care — deeply, consistently, and intentionally.
As the philosopher Erich Fromm wrote in The Art of Loving:
“Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole.”
And in the timeless words of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry:
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
So next time you feel that spark, honour it. But remember — the spark is only the invitation. The real love story begins when you choose to CARE.